2015, you have been one crazy, crazy year. And you still are, in fact. I feel like I only manage to get hold of very few of the colourful balloons that swirling over my head and over Berlin… Here are some of the faces, flowers and city lights from summer that made a lasting impression on my phone.
I’m starting to think that perhaps autumn in Berlin is even more magical than summer. In a rare outing to Müggelsee and Neu-Venedig last weekend, I finally took a couple of snaps again just for the fun of it. Seriously, look at these colours! Some days literally leave no time to just stop and breathe at the moment, so doing just that and leaving all the questions, occasional confusion (well, let’s scratch the occasional) and the loose ideas on my desk for an afternoon was heavenly. So, without further ado, this is what my current favourite place on earth looks like in autumn. Sorry for the few words, I just wanted to say hi quickly and show you fifty shades of orange. ❤
Vor drei Wochen wurde es in meiner Wohnung auf einmal ein bisschen lebendiger. Gardinenstangen, Spiegel und Bilderrahmen brachten sich von selbst an und auf einmal gabs statt Tiefkühlpizza richtiges Essen (meistens Suppe mit irgendetwas undefinierbarem, voll dekadent). Vor drei Wochen sind Emin und Nouri bei mir eingezogen. Ich wachte eines Morgens auf (die großen Erkenntnisse kommen meistens um Punkt 7 und fordern sofortiges Handeln) und es erschien mir grundfalsch und grundabsurd und grundbeschissen, dass diese doch ziemlich große Wohnung den halben, aber meistens den ganzen Tag leersteht, während Menschen in meinem Alter vor dem LaGeSo auf Bürgersteigen und in Parks schlafen. Das darf nicht sein.
Somewhere between 2014 and 2015, I decided to go freelance overnight. In other words, I decided to make a living by putting some letters together and taking the camera everywhere I go. My own business. At 22. You know how sometimes people say they’ve had this big thing on their heart and were patiently waiting for the right time to make it happen? Well, I’ve never had that. The opportunity just presented itself because the most amazing team I’ve ever worked with (I love you guys!) offered me some regular work, then another magazine job came up and I suddenly knew being serious about this was the only logical thing to do. I didn’t have the slightest idea of what I would get myself into (and I still don’t have), and it’s both shittier and greater than I imagined. That by the way is the kind of thing I hope to say about life one day! So here’s some random advice in case you’re in a similar situation, in case you’re bored with your day job, finished uni or just feel like making a big change.
Here’s what my phone says about the last couple of months: It’s been a mild winter but I probably say that because I expected the worst (thunderstorms and darkness for three months) when coming to Berlin and listening to people’s winter tales. If there was snow, it was crisp and refreshing. If there was sun, it made for some beautiful sunsets at Bornholmer Straße (home).
I woke up on New Year’s Eve to a beautiful washed-out blue sky (is that a colour?), with no hangover and a huge breakfast waiting. That pretty much set the tone for 2015.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of ‘feeling alive’ recently, and how we tend to not do that enough. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not necessarily about looking back onto all those (hopefully) decades at the end of our lives, thinking ‘Oh la la, I’ve had quite the easy ride and now bring on the pink rainbows and fluffy ponies’. I think what we long for is depth and growth and sometimes these things can only be found when, well, going through some serious crap. So then I thought about all the times where my head and heart really were more like an explosion of feelings and thoughts, not all of them pink and fluffy, and I realised that these were some of the moments I felt painfully, truly and purely alive. It’s an incredible privilege to be able to feel – and we should feel more in a society that’s so busy curating its way towards fulfilment online, creating bloody to-do guides on how to #startyourdayright or getting our ridiculously clever phones to tell us how to improve our sleep patterns (if you find a way that actually works, please let me know though!).